Blonde Joke…

I found this blonde joke as one of the best blonde jokes I ever read. http://blog.outer-court.com/archive/2006-01-02.html#n25

My timing sux…

I swear, no one else in this world have my bad sense of timing. I also get excited for fuckall. I rate I need to learn to accept the inevitable, what ever it might be. Somehow it seems that things in my life almost never turns out the way you want it too. I rate this is something that most younger people will have to go through but I just wish it would fuckoff out of my life.

Like that song says “Wear sunscreen” That is about the best tip anyone has ever given me.

Preping to Re-install my machine…

So today I log onto the web thinking. My machine hasn’t been reinstalled in about three years and that is about time to redo it. Yes, I run Windows XP. No, I am not using the FCKGW key either, I have a legit copy. So I know I have to re-download all the damn updates. But my first thing was to get all the latest drivers for my hardware.

This list includes but is not limited too(I always wanted to say that):
MS Natural Wireless KB (Black)
MS Wireless Optical Mouse (Black)
42″ Plasma Screen
Nvidia 7800 GT
Maya MKII 7.1 Sound Card

I start, it is a damn long process. I am in South-Africa as you no doubt have figured out by now, this means that I cannot afford a connection better than a 56k line. The drivers totalled around 60mb. This is sad, it will take me almost 6 hours to download(because I am also chatting online and surfing the web at the same time) So the 6.2kb download speed that I am getting doesn’t belong to the downloads. How I wish I had an ADSL connection…

Anyhow, the downloading is going on well into the time that I am going to go to sleep. I can’t wait untill my machine is reinstalled. Then finally I can get everything back to the way it used to be. Fast.

Reading Old E-Mails…

So here I am sitting bored and to tired to go to sleep and thinking what can I do. I CAN READ SOME OLD E-MAILS. First off, I delete a whole bunch of e-mails I received from my ex g/f. I am pretty sure that my current g/f wouldn’t be impressed finding that I still had them in the first place. Did I read them again? NO!!! Fuck that bitch anyways. She isn’t worth the shit I threw at her.

So I go and read an e-mail that an old friend sent me. OMFG, it is about the time I felt like killing myself because of some other female. DELETE!!

I now realize that women is probly the single biggest reason I became bi-polar in the first place. Today they make you happy as a pig in shit, tomorrow they kick you in the nuts and lay rape charges against you. What a cruel species they are.

Advice I have for younger men. FUCK YOU, MAKE YOUR OWN MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM THEM. No one taught me shit about women. I had to learn by getting all the wrong bitches first. Which is also a kind of dumb thing to say like “its always in the last place you look” but why would one conitnue looking for a better woman when you “think” you found the perfect one.

Well, maybe I was once full of shit and deserved to be dumped. I can only tell you one thing. Never tell a friend of yours that you are gonna kill yourself because of some bitch that didn’t give you any because you will get responses like these:

i wouldn’t do anything that i would think is going to offend you and i am sorry if i did that, but is is just teh caring normal friends and family caring not gay mans caring.

Now if that isn’t a friend talking, I don’t know.

Anyhow, I rate it is time to go sleep. Lets hack the g/fs inbox and see if she has any e-mails from me before I go sleep.

ONE!

Time for a change…

I decided that from now on out I will write exactly the way I speak and after reading this fucking blog, I am pretty sure you will understand what the fuck I mean.

So I work for a large financial institution here in the fucked up new South-Africa(which by the way is ten fucking years old).

I am one of those sad wannabe super-fucking-heros that think it is cool to be a programmer. Infact, I came to the realization that being a programmer is neither cool nor enriching. I am still as poor as three zimbabwean beggers put together. So I hear you asking “Why the fuck do you keep on doing it then?” Well that is quite easy. “It is the only thing worth wasting my time on, there aren’t really anything else in this country that would make you all that much richer(barring crime)”

Now talking of crime, I could posibly be a very rich man if I had the balls to pull one of the cash in transit heists that we hear so much about. I rate that if I could shoot some wannabe cop in the fucking head and take all the money he is supposed to gaurd, stash it in my gran’s attic and live of that for the rest of my life, I would be set.

The only problem is that I would still have to open some sort of business so that I could clean the money that I stole. Money laundering is also not such an easy task anymore. With all this fica bullshit they have going on in this country it is damn near impossible. So I ask the question, “How the fuck do the nigerian drug lords do it?” Once again quite easy. I don’t have some black connection in the new goverment (which again has been in power for more than a decade)

If I had the above mentioned connection, I would be able to make the goverment clean my money for me. They would actually just take a 10% cut of the top and make the money all legal.

As I was once told by someone that I can’t remember “Networking is the only way to get/stay ahead”

Depressing News

More than 7 000 suspects have been arrested since November 25 for crimes committed against women and children, says safety and security.

News24

Can you believe this. I am sure that we just had our 16 days of anti-beat-the-shit-out-of-women-n-children period.

These are statistics we can be proud off. What about the unheard cries? This is a sad state of affairs.

My Perfect Christmas Gift…

If you click on the more link, I have uploaded two pictures of the christmas gift that I want. I can’t find these any where in the stores in SA. Sadly.

Anger Management…

One thing you might hear me type about a lot is my pets. I have two dogs, two cats and a marine aquarium. This is a bad combination I know. But the one dog was a stray so I got it a friend. The one cat I picked up on the highway and the other I got in the basement parking of a building in Sandton.

So, why the topic anger management then I hear you ask. Well, the dogs and the cats don’t get along too well and today the jack russel wanted to litterally eat my small kitten so as you can imagine I got quite upset.

Going on holiday…

This seems to be one of the hardest things I had to orginise this year. Problem is that is was quite a late decision  to go on holiday but we decided to go anyways. We found a camp site where we could go in the town Winkelspruit, it is about 5 minutes from one of the more popular beaches.

Being a Junkie is ‘cool’

So, this morning at around 03:00 my sister gets a phone call from some druk guy. A guy that she doesn’t know. He talks a lot of shit and she puts the phone down on him. At around 10:00 this morning he calls again. He tells her that he wants to bang her and all sorts. She tells him to leave her alone and he tells her “I know you don’t have a boyfriend.” So she hands the phone to me.

I tell him to leave my girlfriend alone. He starts calling my his ‘bra’. I explain to him that I am not a bra and that he should take his still drunk ass and Fsck off. Then he threatens me after I call him a drunk junkie. He is all like ‘Be a real man and meet me and I will beat your ass to a pulp”

There is only one problem with this. He is a drunk junkie, I am a sober 7 foot tall guy that has been training for a while and I kinda know how to kick some ass.
Why do people use drugs anyways? I rate it is because they try and be cool or maybe that they can’t get laid so the drugs make it easier to have male on male sex. I don’t know.

Anyways, let me get back to the man dissing me on IRC.

Cheers